Coming back to the US has been harder than I could ever imagine. Coming back to your home state, what you know as normal--should be easy peasy right? (insert game show "incorrect" buzzer here).
I still haven't put my finger on WHY it has been so hard? It is not like I came back and no one wants to be my friend--I have a great support system. I even came back to the States, already being hired. Only to find out the job wasn't a fit for me. That was not easy to realize.
When I prepared to go to Rwanda, I knew exactly what I was going to be doing over there and where I was going to be living, it was clear cut. Teach missionaries children.
Coming back doesn't seem so clear cut. I like knowing what to expect and having a plan. Yes, I'm a planner. Not having a plan makes me feel like my life is out of control or doesn't have a purpose.
I know God does have a purpose for me, and it is a struggle for me to remain patient to "wait and see" His plans. I know his timing is perfect, yet somedays I am not good at waiting and I get sad.
God is in control and I am not. I just need to keep repeating that.
2 comments:
I remember how hard my planless time was. I'll be thinking of you and praying for you.
Is part of the struggle with the differences in material lifestyle or culture between the US and Rwanda, or is it just the uncertainty?
God is in control and I am not. Yes. I have to keep reminding myself of that patently obvious fact, and sometimes I am surprised by how much I resent it. But I think God can deal with my resentment; and if I sit with it and with God, so can I.
Remember...there is a time and season for all things. Your experience in Rwanda was life-changing, and you will never be the same. That experience has changed the course of your life...and soon enough you will find the next path!
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