The road was muddy and the 4WD was not working. The truck lurched, and a cliff that went down towards Lake Kivu was just on the right side of us. Many Rwandans wanted to help push the truck so it did not get stuck. My friend Jessica was driving and Molly was up front with her. Both were managing the situation well, but said I might not want to look.
I looked. I begin muttering, “I’m a hobbit, I’m a hobbit, I don’t like this sort of ‘adventure.’ “
A few weeks later, I didn’t think about those words as I battled amoebas and a bad allergic reaction to medicine I was given to help with symptoms of them. I had one of my darkest hours on Earth that time—I really felt like I was dying and wouldn’t wake up. I wasn’t thinking about hobbits, I was reciting the 23rd Psalm (not sure hobbits know that one).
It wasn’t until about five months later that I realized the significance of my comments.
I read The Hobbit, as we had a copy at the school and I’ve always wanted to read it. I was looking forward to a relaxing read with some familiar characters in a familiar make-believe world. What I wasn’t prepared for, was that I would I would relate to what Bilbo Baggins had to go through. Yeah, I knew the book was about a journey to kill a dragon, and he finds the ring and all of that—but I didn’t realize what intense emotions and growing he had to go through. Many of these I could relate to.
Bilbo goes off on an unexpected journey. Bilbo had been a comfortable hobbit, who likes his life calm and structured and predictable. As he says, “We hobbits are plain, quiet creatures. Adventures make one late for dinner.” I also enjoy predictable and safe things. Yet, Bilbo gets sent by Gandalf on a journey, not realizing how much it will change him. So Gandalf didn’t send me anywhere but God did. He pulled me totally out of my comfort zone and sent me to Rwanda. I think Bilbo and I would concur this brings fear and many anxieties to the surface.
Bilbo has to work at overcoming fears—dragons, danger around every corner, Gollum, many things. While I don’t think I’ve had that same experience of major physical fears, there have been other things—such as my allergic reaction mentioned above, cockroaches, loneliness, fear of failing and other things.
Yet, this overcoming of fears leads to a growth, which I didn’t expect. Through experiences in Rwanda, God has worked to shift some of my thinking patterns. He has convicted me of some areas I need to work on, and has walked with me through addressing these areas.
Like Bilbo, I am anticipating home and all of its comforts, yet this journey will leave a mark on my life. The next step is the transition back and figuring out what that looks like, and learning to continue to verbalize what this year has meant to me, and how God has been at work in my heart.
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If blogger had a "like" button...I would click it!
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