Little bit of background...

Before I go into more details about my call to Rwanda, I wanted to back up and give you some more details about my spiritual background and how I became a Christian. The best way I think to do this is use the text of my sharing at the Quaker Women's Conference last fall.

Coming into Awareness as a Spiritual Being
By Liz Wine

November 2nd, 2007
Southwest Quaker Women’s Conference on Faith and Spirituality

Awareness
…is the opening of the heart to the world of God
…is accepting it is about more than me
..is connecting with a community that sustains
…is looking in the mirror and taking it as it is.

When you confront your spiritual mirror—what do you see? Is it a warm reflection of God’s Light? Does it appear like one of those fun house mirrors—a warped image?

What is your reaction to this image? Do you:
A. Laugh
B. Run away screaming
C. Throw something at the mirror
D. Run around and check other mirrors to see if it is accurate
E. Form a mirror committee
F. All of the Above

I’ll give you my answer—D, I run around and check all the mirrors. Why? Well I’ve heard dressing room mirrors make you look 5-10 lbs lighter in order to get you to buy their clothes. Perhaps my bathroom mirror is haunted by a prankster that enjoys upsetting me as I prepare for work. So, I consult my bedroom mirror—it’s a bit smaller and has a pretty frame.

However, it tells me the same thing whether I like it or not. Unfortunately, I’m aware of that fact. What we see in the mirror is what the Creator gave us and what we get! When I look in the mirror I see experiences behind my face. Rooted deep in my probably soon to be wrinkled lines are fond memories.

I have been blessed to have been a part of many wonderful Quaker gatherings that have deeply touched my life. As a child, I grew up attending Friends General Conference. I played and learned and was part of a radiant community. Missouri Valley Friends Conference was a conference that allowed me to develop leadership as a teen clerk and canoe tipper. These gatherings along with my un-programmed Quaker upbringing left me with a strong social justice and peace foundation and fond memories of Sunday mornings.

When I started attending Friends University, I attended University Friends Church, a programmed Quaker church. I had a bit of adjustment with music and a sermon and a shorter period of silent worship. However I found the music spoke to my soul and the sermons made my brain jump alive.

In Summer 2005, I went to the World Gathering of Young Friends in England. I enjoyed dialoguing with Friends from different traditions and cultures. While at this Gathering, in silent worship I had a vision of Jesus that deeply moved me. I also climbed Pendle Mountain. To a Kansan, that was a mountain.

When I returned from this trip, I started graduate school for social work. The combination of self-insight I gained from these classes and my World Gathering experiences began to shape me more into the person I believe God intended me to be-a more spiritual person who became more accepting of herself and others. These two events combined I believe were the main reasons for a lengthy battle of self-doubt to come to a closure—the winner was hope and belief in myself as one of God’s creations.

This bit made me reflect on the moments of realization that God grants us. Some of these moments are lovely AHA moments (thanks Betty Jean for that term) that are mainly gentle and sweet and are thought of in fond memory.

Than I think God humbles us by giving us PAY ATTENTION moments. These are not so lovely…but tend to have a longer lasting impact on us. For example, several nights ago I was putting something in the bottom drawer of my fridge. I stood up to quick and I bonked my head on the fridge and began doing the ‘ow’ dance. My head is still sore.

For another example, in the summer of 2003 I was teaching horseback riding at a camp in Maine. While jumping (on a horse) I had a fall that resulted in a concussion and about a minute of not being conscious. Another side effect was depression and lowered self confidence. This was a PAY ATTENTION moment. A few months later, I came to the realization that God had a chance to take my life, but he didn’t—so He must have something planned for me! That pay attention moment that was painful led to a sweeter ‘aha’ moment.

Probably one of the Quaker Gatherings that was the most life changing was the Young Adult Friends Conference in February 2007. During this conference, in a two hour meeting for worship I quaked for the first time and was lead to give vocal ministry in the meeting. The message was from God—I don’t even remember the content of the message.

After this deep, deep meeting for worship there was something still churning inside of me. A realization dawned on me. Jesus was calling to me, and I knew I must answer. I asked a dear friend to take a walk with me and it was in that snowy, star-filled night that I asked Christ into my life. I believe this was put in motion at the World Gathering of Young Friends when my vision of Jesus occurred.

Since that day, I feel I have changed in ways such as daily spiritual practices, prayer, more patience (most of the time) and feeling more led to give to others-both in time and talent. I believe I am still changing.

With this change, I’ve had difficulties. At Friends General Conference I met others who were critical of programmed and Christian Quakers and I had to come to the realization that this was ok! It’s OK if not everyone agrees and I reminded myself to look for the best in others, even while they criticize me. We are only human. So I encourage you this weekend to be gentle with one another and seek out the Light of God in each person you encounter. Life is too short to hold grudges.

My life has given me many blessings. There have been bumps on the road, but I am aware that these bumps have occurred to help shape me! I am thankful for all of the people and things in my life (even the not so lovely).

I will close with one of my favorite quotes, that always gives me hope.

"At times, the world can seem an unfriendly and sinister place, but believe us when we say there is much more good in it than bad. All you have to do is look hard enough. What may seem to be a series of unfortunate events may in fact be the first steps of a journey." --Series of Unfortunate Events.